I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm too high and old for this...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
