Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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