I think i peed on brittanys purse
i barfeds in our rink
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Boobs speak an international language.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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