I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
