True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
