ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
