i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
