If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
