But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
