I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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