She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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