I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
