Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
