so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
