You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
