Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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