I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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