did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
