i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't think brook has ever known best
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
