I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
