Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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