is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
