just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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