I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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