just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
