Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
