You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
