Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
