If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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