I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
