I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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