There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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