I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
