She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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