I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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