so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
