It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
