First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
