i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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