Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
