Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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