I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
