Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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