Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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