I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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