Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
