Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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