The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And then my night got REAL pukey
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
