yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
