nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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